Sunday, October 11, 2009

God gave you a story--TELL IT

I have heard other families of transracial adoptions complain about the staring and the questions. I don't really get it. Did you not think that people were going to look at your beautiful new family and see you as different? It's kind of like Brittney Spears saying I don't want the attention leave me alone while I shave my head.
I think that most of us who have travelled this road feel that God called us to adopt our children. It is not something we ran out and did willy nilly, and we did a lot of praying and research about it. We have beautiful stories of how God brought our family together. Are there parts of the story that the world doesn't need to know? Yes. But we can still use our situation to tell people about adoption and the 147 million orphans out there that need homes. We can also use our stories to tell people how God adopted us into his family and how we are brothers and sisters with Jesus.
I do have rules for answering question however. I only answer the question asked. People always ask if my children are twins and the answer is no, there is 6 months difference in their age. Which always brings puzzled looks. I don't answer questions that get too personal. I had a friend tell me once, 'If someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, ask them 'Why do you ask?' That puts the ball back on their side of the court and they have to come up with a reason for being so nosy. I will also ask them if they are interested in adoption. If they are interested in the process I give them my blog address. I did this in Costco last week.
I understand that some of you have other children that might be uncomfortable with all of the attention the family is getting, but isn't it our responsibility as parents to explain to the kids why people see us as different. Different isn't always good, but it isn't always bad either. Everyone has to deal with being different at some point in life. Prepare everyone in the family for questions and comments.


The McDaniels said...

Thanks for reminding us all about how to use uncomfortable parts for the greater good.
I totally agree with God using the staring/comments as an "in" to share our stories, but you can prepare your other children all you want, but a 4 year old isn't going to understand why everyone is looking at you all the time and can get really upset by it. I don't think that we are necessarily all "complaining" just commenting and also asking for help. After being home for about 2.5 months and NEVER having gone anywhere without my son by my side in public (grocery store, etc.) didn't leave him for a minute, it got really tough. There was never a time you could blend in. It peaks then passes. But like you said it's the other kids - you prepare all you want, but they aren't ready to handle it necessarily, they're kids after all...It's just one more part of the process. Difficult yes, but wouldn't change it for the world.

Just A Family said...

Thanks for your prayers as we add two more reasons for people to stare and ask questions. I love when people ask questions..:)

Lets get together sooooon.
I want to meet those kids of yours.
They are beautiful.

Pray for tomorrow
Gotya day x2

Melissa Carter said...

Hey Tanya! So long since i talked to you! The babies look awesome! We are going to have to get together soon! Life is crazy here! not much time to do anything extra! Love, Melissa

Laurel said...

I have to laugh when my two African daughters get upset that people are staring at us. I say, "Don't worry, they're not just staring at you. People have been staring at our family for the past 20 years. Back then, we just had 5 kids under 5 years old ... now we have 13 kids." We're used to the stares.

mama of 13

Spirit of Adoption said...

I totally agree! I love sharing our adoption story because it's GOD's story! It's a testimony of HIS grace in our lives, it's a testimony of our adoption in HIM - it's beautiful! : ) I also agree that some things aren't ours to share and are our children's story to share. But we are the one's who are building the foundation for how they see their story!! Will they be ashamed? If we are. Will they rejoice and see God's grace? If we do! I actually think it's fun for people to ask questions b/c I absolutely rejoice in what God has done in our family. It brings me joy! ; ) We don't go out without getting at least one question! It's a gift that we have been given the privilege to hold!

April Hollingsworth said...

I agree! I'm just waiting on my husband to decided between adopting from Uganda and Russia. I'm fine with either one. But he knows I prefer Uganda (or Ethiopia if they happen to get things back on track there). I've told him that I will welcome to stares and questions. What great opportunities to share the Gospel!